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LIVE BOLDLY with Sara Schulting Kranz

Mar 3, 2021

Are you ready to finally find freedom in your choices after betrayal?

Dr. Barbara Steffens has specialized in the area of sexual addiction and providing help for the partners of sexual addicts since 1999. Her book, Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal (Steffens & Means, 2009), co-authored with Marsha Means, MA, is dramatically affecting change in the lives of those who are victims and the professionals who are trained to serve them. 

Dr. Steffens has been instrumental in shaping an alternative model for helping partners - one which views the partner as someone who has experienced a life-altering traumatic event and not as a co-addict or “part of the problem.” Speaking at international and national conferences on sexual addiction, and educating her peers on the traumatic effects disclosure of this addiction has on the partner, she is a recognized expert in this field.

Dr. Barbara's experiences and what she brings to this field have literally changed my life. In this episode, we dive into relational and betrayal trauma. Relational and betrayal trauma occurs within the context of a relationship where there's an expectation of safety. Both parties agree, and promises are there; however, those expectations become broken. It's like walking around life believing one thing to be true and then finding out someone has been hiding something and deceiving you. Tune in as we talk about sex addiction, recovery, and the freedom of choice after betrayal + trauma.

In This Episode:

  • About Dr. Barbara Steffens [ 1:30 ]
  • The definition of relational and betrayal trauma [ 7:55 ]
  • All about sex addiction [ 14:30 ]
  • What sex addiction recovery can look like [ 17:15 ]
  • We talk about choice + consent [ 24:30 ]
  • What creates a healthy relationship [ 29:30 ]
  • The benefits of growing resilience [ 38:10 ]
  • About discovery + disclosure [ 40:25 ]


  • “We have to feel safe; we have to feel heard, and we have to feel validated.”
  • “You can change your mind. If you choose one thing today, you can choose something different tomorrow.”
  • “A healthy relationship is where there's a oneness.”
  • “The choice of resilience and growth is the choice for life.”
  • “If your life decision is not to grow, then you're really going to miss out on an awful lot.”
  • “I think it's really hard to build a relationship after betrayal without a foundation of honesty.”

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